Kakorrhaphiophobia

Do you know how hard it is to be in the honors program and be stupid? Well believe you me, it is.

When I was in high school, I had views and opinions and all that jazz–or at least I thought I did.  However, came to college and found out that I don’t know anything that college people know.  I can’t have debates with my friends here, because I don’t know stats and shit off the top of my head about subjects I at least knew about; not to mention that I don’t have that logical part in my brain that somehow knows the form a debate is supposed to take (apparently calling one’s opponent gay doesn’t automatically make one the winner–my how things have changed since high school!).

My ultimate goal is to be a writer.  In high school, I was one of the best writers.  It took me a whole year of writing college papers to figure out that I have nothing worth writing about.  It’s taken me eight blogs to realize that I’m not even a very good writer to begin with.  I used to make fun of people who had a blog (they are pretty pointless), but now I’d do about anything to write a decent blog.

Is this really what I’ve been reduced to?  Desperate to entertain and impress the thousands of faceless blog readers 2 faceless blog readers (2 might also be a bit of an exaggeration), just so that I may feel an ounce of worth and accomplishment for the first time in over a year?

Yes, that is exactly where I’m at right now.

Sloth Day

Hey everybody, I just wanted to let you know that November 19th is tied for the most important day of your life. This is because this Thursday is Sloth Day.  Technically it is National Sloth Day.  The other day that is tied for the best day of your life is International Sloth Day–but that is in the Spring; and let’s not get ahead of ourselves, that’s not how sloths roll.

So how does one celebrate Sloth Day you might ask?  Well, you ignorant slut, you go about celebrating Sloth Day by not doing much of anything at all.  If you have to do something, you should move extremely slowly and only use your middle three fingers.  You CAN eat on Sloth Day…..a lot!!  You may also climb a tree and sit, and perhaps sleep, in it for hours on end.  But if you do this, be careful–sloths often fall out of trees because they are so inept that they have been known to grab their own arm, mistaking it for a tree branch, and try to climb.  If anyone hassles you on Sloth Day, just ignore them and continue slothing no matter what: the number one defense of sloths is being a sloth.  Predators usually don’t notice sloths because they move so slow that they think they’re either dead or an inanimate object.

So do your research (mainly by watching youtube videos of sloths) and study how sloths act, so you can be fully prepared when November 19th comes dragging by.  Oh, and not to intimidate you, but no other animal has a deadly sin named after it (so don’t screw this holiday up).

Finally, don’t celebrate Sloth Day too heavily, or you’ll defeat the purpose of Sloth Day.

Here’s a quote from a drunken Isaac Brock

How many political idealists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Answer: Political Idealists can’t change shit.

The Literary Dale Ernhart

I started a paper that had to be 900 words tonight at 6:00 and it is due tomorrow.  I finished with 1,089 words and submitted it on blackboard early at 7:30 tonight.

….Damn I’m good

Nobel What Prize?

So I don’t really have a problem with Obama, but then again I don’t really follow politics very closely at all.  I do, however, have a problem with the Nobel Peace Prize, which I just heard was awarded to President Obama.  How can someone get a PEACE prize when he just put more troops in Afghanistan?  How can that person even be nominated?  Shouldn’t the N.P.P. go to someone who stopped violence and not encouraged it?  This supposed-to-be-honored award has obviously just become a political popularity contest.

Also, I was looking at the qualifications of Nobel Peace Prize nominators, and one of the qualifications (#4) says that they must be “persons who have been awarded the Nobel Peace Prize.”  So that means that the charade of this now-mock award can only continue to be awarded to powerfully popular leaders, while those making an actual effort towards a more peaceful world are yet again pushed farther away from the public eye.

…But the more I think about it, the more it begins to make sense.  I mean after all, Nobel was the one who invented dynamite.  So it must be that kind of “peace” prize.  Just like our country’s in a time of “peace” right now, and not a time of war.  It must be one of those “violent-peace” prizes.

Weekends.

There are two types of people here at UIS: people that go home on the weekends and people that don’t.  Last year, I quickly learned that the few people that actually did stay here on the weekends form strong bonds with each other.  It’s hard to explain, but it’s true.  So many more inside jokes are made and friendships are taken to new heights.  I’ve met most of my friends here at college through weekend activities (and the rest I met at orientation).  And I’m not talking strictly drinking.  You can do other stuff too probably.  It’s just about getting college experiences.  And although these experiences make excellent stories to the people that go home most weekends or every weekend, they do not understand what it’s really like.  Almost everyone that complains that this campus is too small and boring and nothing fun happens here are most likely people that go home every weekend.  They don’t understand that you have to stay and make something fun happen and you can’t be lazy and wait for something to happen to you.

So the “weekend people” make this place awesome, but as I said before these people are few and far between.  But not to worry, I’ve a solution.  I don’t know how familiar you guys are with the rules Resident Assistants have to follow, but one rule is that RAs can only leave 2 weekends a month.  I propose that we extend that rule to everyone living on campus.  It’s a shame that it has to come to this, but I guess it’s the way it has to be.  (Hopefully you won’t have more than 2 family emergencies a month.  If so, you’ll just have to ask yourself who really is important.)  But I’m sure the real “weekend people” won’t even care.

Now, get out there, meet some new people, and make some memories that you will cherish when you’re out in the real world.  A few suggestions to get you started: attend a few parties (if you drink, be sure to take a camera or a DD if you want those “lasting memories”), launch fruit, or even throw a shopping cart off the PAC (twice).  Sidenote: I believe that all of those activities are now illegal at UIS (but I’ll have to ask about the drinking to make sure).

(Rule of Thumb for Weekend Activities: if you do something, and then UIS makes a rule specifically against what you did after you did it, then you can only go home once a month….because you are now awesome!!)

Moral of the story: you can be one of two types of people living here at UIS– you can complain that nothing exciting ever happens here and go home every weekend because you’ve made no attempt to make new friends at college; or you can make something exciting happen and understand that class is merely a cover for what college is really all about.

Homecoming Game

The homecoming game tonight over all: awesome!!

Yelling at #6 and #14 on the other team and getting in their heads (and #6 getting a yellow card because of it): awesome!!

Losing both the game and my voice in a single fowl swoop: not awesome.

#17 from the other team (who scored the golden goal, causing us to lose) showing Blue Crew his number after scoring and immediately falling right on his face right in front of us: awesome!!

Fireworks: fudging amazing!! (although it makes me wonder where my tuition money is actually going)

Winchester High School homecoming: stupid.

UIS homecoming: best week the year so far!!!!

AVIATION DAY

Hey everybody.  It is officially October 1st, and you all know what that means: HAPPY AVIATION DAY!!!!!! This has to be one of my favorite “holidays”.  Actually, it’s probably my 3rd favorite “holiday” (there is a distinct difference between holidays and “holidays”), next only to Sloth Day and International Sloth Day, which tie for first.

Anywho, let me explain what exactly Aviation Day is: Aviation Day is a day of fun and appreciation of the world of aeroplanes.  Last year we made paper airplanes and threw them around all day.  But that’s just us.  The point of Aviation Day is to be creative in your appreciating the fact that man can fly.  Wear aviators, stick your noses up at birds (yeah they can fly, but not in 20 tons of American steel), jump off of things….. just be sure and celebrate the third annual Aviation Day; and by the by, I don’t think that you can celebrate Aviation Day and go to class.

And now for the history and meaning behind Aviation Day: during my senior year of high school, I woke up one morning before school (without an alarm; thus, it was fate) at exactly 7:47 am.

……..and that’s that.  I really hope you guys have fun and I expect for everyone to participate in this made up holiday.  What else do you have to do?

Firsts

So my first paper of this year is due in a couple of hours.  I’m pretty pumped about that; simply for the fact that college is real again, not some hazy memory that I half-thought I imagined this summer.  I’m officially back in action.  What I am not pumped about is that I have yet to start this paper.  What I am still pumped even less about is that haven’t even decided on a topic for this paper either.

Not pumped: yes; Worried: No.

It’s an 800 word paper, no big deal.  It is the first draft of what will be a much longer, much more important (grade-wise) paper; but a first draft nonetheless.  I don’t know how I feel about my teacher judging the length of my paper by the amount of words instead of the amount of pages.  I mean, I guess it does save me the trouble of changing my periods and commas to size 14 or 16 font.  That got annoying last year.  I used to get around these “word count” essays in high school but not using contractions.  But I came to college last year only to find out that you’ren’t supposed to use contractions in papers anyway.

So how am I supposed to get around this 800 word minimum?  Does this teacher actually expect me to meet the criteria he has laid out for this assignment?  Yeah, that’ll be a first.